How to stop envy? Recommendations of specialists
What is it?
Envy is the dissatisfaction of others with success. This feeling, which gnaws at the heart, if a neighbor bought an expensive car, and a friend has a new guy. If, instead of us, the project manager has been assigned an objectionable colleague or a distant relative goes abroad, but we don’t! All this is determined by the word "envy".
People say that a person is interested in someone else’s life only when he doesn’t have his own. They also say that the neighbor always has brighter sun and grass is greener. All this suggests that it was not for nothing that envy was dubbed a mortal sin long before our century, and it was known even in times of paganism, once it is preserved in proverbs. In addition, there are also quotes about envy. And they, too, are known from old times. Religions also envision a prayer of envy. However, why people are jealous doesn’t explain at all.
Who is worse for this?
Envy is a very sad feeling.After all, in fact, the most envious of it is only the envious who only “spits poison” on everyone, and most of them are harmless. Because he is poisoning life only for himself, suffers, sometimes complains, but this is not what usually causes sympathy in others.
The problem comes from childhood
A great many people have a bad habit of comparing themselves, their life and everything else with a stranger. Why? Are people jealous because of comparison or compared because they are jealous? It is worth it to understand.
The subconscious perception of "I and others" is laid back in childhood. Unfortunately, too many parents try to teach the child to, in general, good things, using not very good methods for this. They say: "Look, what a pretty Kristino is, that's how it should be!" or "Learn, like Masha", or "See, Peter is engaged in sports, and you ... Eh." And the child is faced with the problem of what he cannot do as someone, because he is him, but his parents are not satisfied.
So the child grows up with the constant thought that the other, whoever he is, is obviously better. And he begins to envy those who have no flaws that his mom and dad reproached.
Following Jung, by the way, in such actions of parents there is a certain meaning. The well-known psychologist believed that envy can arouse in man a thirst for new challenges, turning disadvantages into advantages. Say, a closed child grows up a famous politician, poor health is sometimes a catalyst for sports and victories in this field. Carl Jung claimed that all famous people had some flaw. Maybe it is so, for example, in some cases it will incline the arrow of the scales to something good. But for the most part, unfortunately, it is exactly the opposite. At a minimum, because children do not have a mature personality to be able to manage their own vices.
An eternally envious child will inevitably turn into a constantly envying adult. And the reasons for this feeling he suddenly appears much more. Any phrase on the part of another person is boasting, and any luck is an excuse to be angry, because "Well, everything is different as always!".
Therefore, one thought about how to stop envying is already the first step towards victory over one’s own vice.After all, many are not even going to be corrected, and this is very sad.
Black and white envy
"I envy white envy!" - A friend says, pursing her lips and her nose too high. Why is that? The answer is one: because white envy does not happen.
Any feeling of annoyance that occurs at the mention of other people's successes, determine envy. And to deceive oneself that a fallen mood at the sight of a thinner girlfriend is just a coincidence, it’s better not to. Yes, they say "they envy them in silence," but hiding a vice does not mean getting rid of it. And, in the end, only sincere joy for the victories of loved ones is the real absence of sin on your part, without any admixture of black and white envy there.
In economics, there is the concept of pure competition. Without going into details, it can be described as a perfect model of this phenomenon. It applies to real life. Healthy competition allows you to improve and keep yourself in good shape in order not to lose the opponent. The bottom line is that this should not become a meaning, but just be a kind of motivational assistant.
If the competition reaches the peak where it becomes envy, it is no longer necessary to wait for help from it - only harm. For example, its motivating effect will definitely not be felt anymore.After all, the fact is: the envious people do little to get what they want, they just envy silently!
Separate view: the envy of alien talents
Why is it necessary to highlight this in a special point? To begin with, talent is a gift from above. And talented people are born such, use this gift or not, develop it or bury it in the sand. An exceptional version of this phenomenon - genius - is a very rare event. Therefore, envy of someone else’s talent is only knowingly destroying the jealous from the inside.
A keen sense of justice
That is what those who believe that the other has received their blessings undeservedly like to call jealousy like to call envy. And they are completely wrong. Justice is when I told the cashier that he gave more change than expected. Or when he divided something equally. And if someone else's good does not give peace to sleep, this is no longer justice. This is no cover envy.
"I envy a little"
It is worth remembering once and for all - "a little" envy will not work. There is either jealous or not. And if the first option, it is better to immediately admit it to yourself. Release the negative. And say goodbye to this once and for all.
How to fix it?
And here he is, the main question: "How to stop jealous?" First of all, we should recognize the problem and not wait for easy ways to solve it. This, by the way, concerns not only this subject, but almost everything. For example, a prayer of envy is one of the solutions for believers (Lord! Deliver me, the servant of God (name), from the effects of dark forces). Building a harmonious personality is a painstaking and important business, and for him a lot of diligence is needed. You can read quotes about envy (“Envy does not know days off,” “Envy is a poison to the heart,” etc.), you can take only the first step as much as you like, but you still have to go further.
Even if the problem of comparison was laid a long time ago, and, perhaps, not even by you, you, alas, will have to cope. Stop thinking about what's around. Others have a different good, but also other problems. And this is their life, not yours. You have been given so much - the freedom to be specifically yourself, and not someone else. You will not be filled with another's blessing, and, believe me, if you had the same thing as a friend, colleague, neighbor, you would not be happier.
Ask yourself a simple question.
Why envy? Ponder this question.Does this make sense? Because there is absolutely no benefit, as we found out. So is it worth spending a life on something that only poisons it? Isn't it easier to let go of this vice and allow yourself to enjoy the fact that you live on this earth?
Cast off pride
One sin pulls the other. Envy is inextricably linked with pride. To think that you are better than others is as bad as the fact that you are supposedly worse. Because you only hurt your pride, it is worthwhile for someone to get something better, and here it is - envy, welcome, and you did not expect it at all, did you?
Envy sees other people's virtues and sees no flaws. Get accustomed to your loved ones, who, in your opinion, have a perfect life. Perhaps they need help more than ever? Your ideal will inevitably slouch. Because it does not exist. And mutual aid is the basis of strong friendship, while envy is its clear enemy.
Notice your victories just as vigilant you were to strangers. Every little thing, any luck - isn't that a reason to rejoice? If your diligence was enough to grasp the reasons for envy, that's enough for happiness, joy and gratitude to fate and to yourself.Do not belittle your merits. False modesty is as dangerous as arrogance. Adequate self-esteem allows you to get rid of many vices, including envy.
Pay envy in your favor
No matter how rosy everything sounds, it is not so difficult to live by the principle of "never envy", but rather it is impossible. In this sense, the well-known aphorism "Never say never." Therefore it is possible to extract the best from this vice. Perhaps you are jealous because you really want this, but still could not decide to start to act? Start right today, right now. Start at least from the thought of how you will do it - all great accomplishments began with ideas. But do not let envy drag you into the abyss of idleness and self-oppression, it deserves to be benefited from it, and then thrown out.
You will not be able to get everything
The fact that getting everything is unreal may sound very sad, until you realize that you do not need everything. You need to know who you are. What you want, what you have achieved and what you will still achieve. Why do you do what you do. And then envy someone else's happiness does not even come to mind.Who said that someone's light is better than your darkness? After all, for you it is brighter than thousands of foreign suns!
Learn to trust yourself
Only inside you can find what you personally need. People are afraid to trust the voice of their mind, because they believe that others know better. Or do not consider, but bend under this pressure. Be stronger than public opinion, go your own way, no matter what and no one else.
Some people will never even think about how to stop jealous, because they will not see the reasons for this. Pathologically miserable, driven into a dead end by their vice, began to be proud of it - a model of people in need of help. To say that envy is bad will no longer be a sufficient argument for change.
The main consequence of envy is unrealized dreams and talents buried in the ground. You will not be able to achieve your happiness if you go on someone else's way. Or, even worse, do not go at all, just watch others tear the best fruits from the tree and maliciously envy why they are higher than you.
Envy is the enemy of harmony. Harmony is the key to happiness. Do not deprive him of himself voluntarily. In the end, everyone deserves it.You are no worse and no better than others.
Do not reproach yourself for envy. Do not reproach yourself for your vices in principle. But do not let them guide you. They are yours, not you are theirs.
Envy is unlikely to disappear from the world, as well as the remaining six sins that accompany it. They walk hand in hand, ready to embrace everyone. But let them pass by and forgive us our happiness.